Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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