that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
