Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
