remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
