Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
