So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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