She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
