I didn't shave. On purpose
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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