i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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