3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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