i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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