Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
