My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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