you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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