peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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