Say something about gay babies.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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