franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
