babies were throwing up all over the place
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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