We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
