How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
