I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
