I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
