I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
