Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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