dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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