remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
