all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
