If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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