I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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