you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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