Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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