Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
