I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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