Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
