I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
