I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
