everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
