if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
