I think I am morally bankrupt
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
