Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
