life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just high enough for therapy.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
