why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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