Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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