i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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