I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
