shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
