Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
