Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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