You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
