I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
What drink are we having for lunch?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
