I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We smell like vodka and hangover
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