I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
