Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
