absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
