I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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