Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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