Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
