i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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