Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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