Sponge bath it is.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize