so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
