# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
