She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
