you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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