Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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