You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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